© 2017 Hui-Chen Huang | 黃惠偵 All rights reserved.

作為一個用影像參與社會的人,我好像一直都在說著別人的故事,那些邊緣的、沒有機會發聲、不被看見的人們的故事。我理解他們的邊緣、傷痛、無力與憤怒,是因為我自己也曾經歷過。

 

但我卻遲遲沒有足夠的勇氣去說出自己的故事。

 

因為自我揭露是件困難的事,對愛提出質疑是件困難的事,面對真相是件困難的事。

 

但我似乎已經到了不能再以困難為由,繼續迴避那些生命裡最重要的提問的人生節點:我的身分不再只是女兒,同時也是別人的母親。身分的轉化讓我對母親這個角色有了新的認識,所以我決定逼迫自己去靠近、重新去理解我媽,並且試著幫助我們都能找到說出真相,以及超度自身傷痛的勇氣。

"因為自我揭露是件困難的事,對愛提出質疑是件困難的事,面對真相是件困難的事。"

"...because exposing myself is hard, asking if I’m loved is harder, and facing the truth is the hardest."

As a filmmaker, I’ve always told the stories of the marginalized, powerless, or underrepresented. I feel their pain, their suffering, their powerlessness, and their frustrations because those have also been my experiences.

 

But when it comes to on my own story, I haven’t had the courage or strength to utter a sound, because exposing myself is hard, asking if I’m loved is harder, and facing the truth is the hardest.

 

But I can no longer use my fears as an excuse because my role has evolved. Now that I’m a mother myself, I see my mom with a different perspective. And that new perspective forces me to reckon with my past and face my fears. I hope that this process can help both myself and my mother walk out of the shadows and away from the pain that have plagued us for so long.