© 2017 Hui-Chen Huang | 黃惠偵 All rights reserved.

Every morning, my mother wakes up well before me, prepares my lunch, and takes off.

Every evening, after eating out, my mom comes home, washes up, closes her bedroom door, and is asleep by 9PM. 

 

We live in the same space. But we’ve lived like strangers under one roof for decades now. The only exchanges are the meals she cooks for me. No hellos, no goodbyes, and no “I love you.” 

 

I watch her, knowing that beneath the deafening silence lies a secret that weighs heavily on her, keeping her from speaking; knowing that behind her tightly pursed lips is a shame so overbearing that it suffocates her. One day, I finally summon up the courage to sit her down and make her talk. But am I ready to hear what she has to say? And are we ready to face what’s been buried for so long?

每天早上,我的母親總是先於我醒來,她會先準備好我的午餐,然後出門。

 

每天傍晚,我的母親會在外面吃過晚餐之後才回家,靜靜地梳洗完畢後就又回到屬於她的房間裡,打開收音機關上房門,在晚上九點睡去。

我們生活在相同的空間裡,但幾十年來,我們就像是同個屋簷下的陌生人,唯一的交集是她為我準備的吃食,我們之間沒有噓寒問暖、沒有母女間的心裡話、沒有「我愛你」。

當我注視著她,我知道在那震耳欲聾的沈默之下,藏著讓她難以面對及言說的秘密 ;我知道在緊閉的雙唇背後,是令她窒息且擺脫不去的恥辱。

這天,我終於鼓起勇氣與她開啟對話,但我真的準備去好面對她將給出的答案了嗎?

我們又是否都能夠好好面對那些已經被埋藏許久的過去?